After explaining why he won’t donate to Haiti, just like he won’t donate to the homeless, Paul Shirley had this to say to the devastated people of Haiti:
Dear Haitians –
First of all, kudos on developing the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. Your commitment to human rights, infrastructure, and birth control should be applauded.
As we prepare to assist you in this difficult time, a polite request: If it’s possible, could you not re-build your island home in the image of its predecessor? Could you not resort to the creation of flimsy shanty- and shack-towns? And could some of you maybe use a condom once in a while?
Sincerely,
The Rest of the World
I would like to write a letter to Paul Shirley, NBA washout. Here it is:
Dear Paul -
First of all, kudos on developing one of the shortest NBA careers in history. Your committment to free throws, rebounds, and ball control should be applauded.
As we prepare to watch you suck in some European league, a polite request: If it’s possible, could you not re-suck the way you did for the Phoenix Suns? Could you not average a flimsy 1.3 points and 0.2 rebounds per game? And could you maybe make a pass once in a while?
Sincerely,
The Basketball Fans of the World