George W. Bush, Translated

by JimLarkinsGhost on December 3, 2008

Charlie Gibson’s interview with W is a stomach-turning tribute to the ineptitude of his presidency, and his lack of self-examination and reflection.  As a handy service to our readers here at IHWYJS, I’ll translate.

Exhibit A:

Mr. Gibson: What were you most unprepared for?

Mr. Bush: Well, I think I was unprepared for war. In other words, I didn’t campaign and say, “Please vote for me, I’ll be able to handle an attack.” In other words, I didn’t anticipate war. Presidents — one of the things about the modern presidency is that the unexpected will happen [italics added].


Hey – I never said I could handle an attack or a war!  I mean it isn’t like I was running for President or something!  (Oh, wait…)

Well, anyway, the United States is like never involved in wars, so how could I have possibly anticipated one?  I mean, we had the Barbary Wars, and a bunch of Indian Wars and such, and the War of 1812, and the Mexican-American War, and the Civil War, and the Spanish-American War, and the Two World Wars, and Korea,  and Vietnam, and the Gulf War, and we’ve been involved in lots of other armed conflicts in the Philippines, and Grenada, and Panama, and during the Russian Revolution, and in Somalia, and Yugoslavia, etc., etc.

But how could I have seen it coming?  I never said I could handle an attack, and I didn’t anticipate war!

Exhibit B:

Mr. Gibson: You’ve always said there’s no do-overs as President. If you had one?

Mr. Bush: I don’t know — the biggest regret of all the presidency has to have been the intelligence failure in Iraq. A lot of people put their reputations on the line and said the weapons of mass destruction is a reason to remove Saddam Hussein. It wasn’t just people in my administration; a lot of members in Congress, prior to my arrival in Washington D.C., during the debate on Iraq, a lot of leaders of nations around the world were all looking at the same intelligence. And, you know, that’s not a do-over, but I wish the intelligence had been different, I guess.


Everything is just fine!  Oh, but I guess I wish the Iraq intelligence had been better.  But hey – lots of people thought Saddam had WMD!  You know – because we told ’em he did!  Dick Cheney and I kept saying that Saddam had WMD, and lots of people listened and believed us, so it’s their fault, too!

Exhibit C:

Mr. Gibson: If the intelligence had been right, would there have been an Iraq war?

Mr. Bush: Yes, because Saddam Hussein was unwilling to let the inspectors go in to determine whether or not the U.N. resolutions were being upheld. In other words, if he had had weapons of mass destruction, would there have been a war? Absolutely.

Mr. Gibson: No, if you had known he didn’t.

Mr. Bush: Oh, I see what you’re saying. You know, that’s an interesting question. That is a do-over that I can’t do. It’s hard for me to speculate.


Umm…duh…duh…duh…der… I don’t understand your question, Chuck!

Oh, right.  I see.  Well, hey, you know, it is what it is!  There’s no use crying over spilled milk.  I mean, dude – you’re asking me to be reflective and to think about the consequences of my actions and decisions.  That’s nuts!  Sure, as a result of my colossal blunders, exaggerations, and lies, thousands are dead and wounded.  But I can’t be thinking about stuff like that.  I stick to my guns.  No do-vers!  No take-backs!  Jinx – owe me a Coke!

(I hate what he just said).

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

BDS December 3, 2008 at 12:06 PM

Wow. The validity and sincerity of everything Bush said would be much easier to believe if we had been asleep–I mean literally sleeping–for the last 8 years, or perhaps if we just landed on planet Earth. Fool us once…


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