These words were actually spoken by Dick Cheney without irony:

Former Vice President Dick Cheney criticized the Obama administration on Tuesday for its handling of the September 11, 2012 terror attack on the U.S. Consulate in Benghazi, Libya, calling it ‘a failure of leadership.’ Cheney said U.S. leaders should have been better prepared for violence on the anniversary of the al-Qaeda attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon in 2001.

‘They should have been ready before anything ever happened,’ Cheney told MailOnline exclusively during a party in Georgetown celebrating the launch of a new book by former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld.

 

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Beck doesn’t want something to be true. So it isn’t true. And since nobody else can see the “connections” that he sees, they are dishonest. And even though there is absolutely no evidence beyond the fact that a man killed himself in the Houston airport on hour ago, it must be a conspiracy. And even if that isn’t true, it will be soon. Because Liberals.

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You’ve Been Trumped!

by Larry Tate on April 21, 2013

trumped

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Safety Net

by Larry Tate on April 21, 2013

Giving people healthcare or food makes for parasitic moochers. But shotguns are a totally different story.

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Epistemic Closure

by Larry Tate on March 22, 2013

Still trying to prove Bush right:

Fox News suggested that an attack in Syria might have involved chemical weapons from Iraq, pushing a conspiracy theory that Saddam Hussein hid WMD in other countries prior to the Iraq war. Fox made a similar claim just two days ago.

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Pope Emeritus

by Larry Tate on February 27, 2013

Pope Emeritus hits a snag snag:

The Vatican’s plan to call the retiring pontiff Benedict XVI “Pope Emeritus” hit a snag today, in the form of a threatened lawsuit by an Oakland-based rapper who has been recording under that name since 2006.

“I don’t care who he is, I ain’t let nobody mess with my brand,” said Mr. Emeritus, who prior to 2006 recorded under the name Notorious P.O.P.E.

While the Vatican said it was unaware that Mr. Emeritus had already claimed the name seven years ago, the Oakland rapper scoffed at that idea: “They should have done what I did before I picked it out: Google it.”

Furious at what he is calling a clear case of trademark infringement, Mr. Emeritus said that he has no intention of stepping aside for the former pontiff: “He’s the one who should step aside. Call himself P. Biddy or something. This is wack, yo.”

[Comedic gold from Andy Borowitz]

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Job Opening

by Larry Tate on February 17, 2013

Emory University might be in need of a new president soon.

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Popein’ Aint Easy

by Larry Tate on February 11, 2013

Exhausted from defending hordes of paedophiles, the (Pope) has decided to resign.

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George W. Bush, Artist

by Larry Tate on February 8, 2013

The BBC is reporting today that former president George HW Bush has had his private email account hacked. The hacker stole a number of emails and photographs from the former president and posted them to the web. The correspondence includes messages from the former president’s son, George W. Bush.

Here is an interesting detail about the photos:

One shows the younger Mr Bush posing beside a life-size cardboard cutout of himself with a moustache drawn on it; others are said to show paintings by him, including self-portraits.

The idea of W painting self portraits and sending pictures of them to his daddy is just too much.

Update:

You can see the paintings at The Smoking Gun. Imagine if Edward Hopper painted George Bush in the shower or bathtub. Seriously.

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Thanks, Obama!

by Larry Tate on January 29, 2013

It’s all Obama’s fault.

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It appears the Jesus was be a big Second-Amendment guy.

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A Shitty on a Hill

by Larry Tate on January 26, 2013


Part One


Part Two


Part Three

Unable to face the reality of being outnumbered by colored people in their own country, Republicans are working on a variety of utopian redoubts. Glenn Beck’s got one. There’s also the Citadel, a walled community nestled in the mountains of Idaho where every citizen must carry a firearm. For Libertarians with their sea legs, there’s the off-shore micro-nation being created by the Seasteading Institute.

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America: A Review

by Larry Tate on January 10, 2013

A nice review of America if it were a TV show:

America was originally a spinoff of the long-running England. Airing from the 1776-77 season through today, America focuses on a small ensemble of white people using things in the ground to become rich or kill brown people. A sprawling dramedy, it combines all of the loose plot points of a Tyler Perry sitcom with all the fun of being white.

Read the whole thing.

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Knitta Please

by Larry Tate on January 8, 2013

Ostentatious super Christians at the helm of the Hobby Lobby stores have made good on their threats to pay $1,000,000 fees per day so that they can deny women federally mandated birth control benefits.

Knitters of the world, unite.

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The Fountainhead

by Larry Tate on January 7, 2013

Rand Paul’s son just got arrested:

US Airways denied serving alcohol to the 19-year-old son of U.S. Sen. Rand Paul, and the grandson of former presidential candidate Ron Paul, who was arrested Saturday morning at Charlotte Douglas International Airport.

Police said William Hilton Paul, of Bowling Green, Ky., was traveling early Saturday from Lexington, Ky., to Charlotte.

When the plane landed about 10:49 a.m., Paul was charged with consuming beer/wine underage, disorderly conduct and being intoxicated and disruptive.

Clearly, he’s a disciple of AquaBuddah.

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Pretty Awesome

by Larry Tate on December 29, 2012

For his Super Hero series, Agan Harahap inserts the likes of Superman, Batman, and Darth Vader into historical photos.

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Hobby Lobby High Horse

by Larry Tate on December 29, 2012

Stupid craft store run by Jesus freaks refuses to give employees baby-away pills because it hurts their religious fee-fees even though it will cost them 1.3 million dollars per day in penalties.

The next time I need quilting supplies, I’ll take my business elsewhere!

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End of the World

by Larry Tate on December 21, 2012

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One Trick Pony, Mike Huckabee

by Larry Tate on December 15, 2012

There are things that a person can say that should forever disqualify them from serving in a position of authority.  This is one of those things:

Former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee attributed the mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in part to restrictions on school prayer and religious materials in the classroom.

“We ask why there is violence in our schools, but we have systematically removed God from our schools,” Huckabee said on Fox News, discussing the murder spree that took the lives of 20 children and 6 adults in Newtown, CT that morning. “Should we be so surprised that schools would become a place of carnage?”

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Everyone Hates the Government

by Larry Tate on November 27, 2012

Until you really, really need it.

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The Men Who Stare at Goats

by Larry Tate on November 16, 2012

The Republicans are really going off the map:

President Obama is using a Cold War-era mind-control technique known as “Delphi” to coerce Americans into accepting his plan for a United Nations-run communist dictatorship in which suburbanites will be forcibly relocated to cities. That’s according to a four-hour briefing delivered to Republican state senators at the Georgia state Capitol last month.

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Here’s a real gem:

Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) says a “scheduling error” is to blame after he missed a Senate hearing on the attacks in Benghazi on Tuesday and instead held a press conference where he called for an investigation into those same attacks.
CNN Senior Congressional Correspondent Dana Bash reported on Thursday that Ted Barrett, the network’s Senate producer, had an “intense very angry exchange” with McCain when he asked about why the senator had missed the hearing.

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Pat’s Big Discovery

by Larry Tate on November 9, 2012

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Uh, Florida?

by Larry Tate on November 8, 2012

It’s November 8th and there still is no word about which candidate received the most votes from your citizens. Seriously, get your shit together.

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2016

by Larry Tate on November 7, 2012

The campaign for 2016 begins today. And the lesson here for Republicans is that they shouldn’t put up such moderate candidates for office. What they need is a purifying fire. They need candidates who are even more stridently against birth control, equal pay, immigrants, gays, and people of color.

Ride that vaginal ultrasound to victory in 2016.

That’s the ticket.

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Last Minute Dicks

by Larry Tate on November 3, 2012

I’m angry about a lot of things. But last-minute scheming by Ohio authorities designed to rob people of their right to vote hits my nuclear button.

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Hurricane CSI

by Larry Tate on October 31, 2012

A new program coming to cable television.

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Race Pride

by Larry Tate on October 26, 2012

John Sununu endorses race pride as an acceptable rationale for choosing presidential candidates.

 

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Know Your Media

by Larry Tate on October 24, 2012

Joe Klein is a monster.

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Dinesh D’Souza, spokesman for the mentally colonized and the auteur behind the film Obama 2016, is in a bit of a pickle:

Earlier this week, Christian publication World Magazine published an article that said D’Souza had been spotted at a Christian gathering in South Carolina in September sharing a hotel room with a woman, Denise Joseph, who is not his wife. The magazine said D’Souza filed for divorce the same day he was confronted by a World reporter.

 

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I Love These

by Larry Tate on October 10, 2012

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Romney Contra Romney

by Larry Tate on October 10, 2012

New Romney doesn’t have plans to change abortion laws:

Mitt Romney offered assurances on Tuesday that he would protect tax deductions for the middle class on home mortgages and charitable donations.

He also said he had no plans to pursue new laws limiting abortion.

“There’s no legislation with regards to abortion that I’m familiar with that would become part of my agenda,” he told the editorial board of The Des Moines Register.

 

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Romney Gaffes

by Larry Tate on October 3, 2012

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Can’t Wait for the Debate

by Larry Tate on September 30, 2012

The Romney campaign unveils their secret debate weapon: zingers.

Mr. Romney’s team has concluded that debates are about creating moments and has equipped him with a series of zingers that he has memorized and has been practicing on aides since August. His strategy includes luring the president into appearing smug or evasive about his responsibility for the economy.

What could go wrong?

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America!

by Larry Tate on September 29, 2012

We have the greatest country in the world.

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Ouch

by Larry Tate on September 26, 2012

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The Republican Mind

by Larry Tate on September 26, 2012

A Washington Post reporter travels to a McDonald’s restaurant to ask patrons about the new calorie disclosures that now appear on the menu board. Before, the calorie content of your large fries and chocolate shake was a mystery; but when you order a Big Mac today, you are confronted with the fact that it contains 550 calories. But what do the customers think?

The reporter discovers that most of the customers didn’t notice or care. But the reporter did find one customer who had noticed the calorie labels:

Dick Nigon of Sterling, Va.. He and his wife, Lea, had stopped by McDonald’s after seeing an exhibit at the Renwick Gallery. Dick had ordered for the couple, noticed the calorie labels and liked them.

“I like that you have the information before you order,” he told me, when I asked about the labels. “It’s better than some kind of government health mandate in Obamacare.”

I told him that the calorie labels were, in fact, a government health mandate in Obamacare.

“Well that changes things a bit,” he responded. “I thought this was more of a voluntary sort of thing. Now I’m not quite sure how I feel about it.”

It’s a good idea when the corporation decides to do it of its own accord. But it isn’t good if the government asks you to do it. Especially if it’s in Obamacare.

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When asked by a pool reporter if he would be “campaigning a littler harder from here on out,” Romney responded with the following answer:

“Ha ha. We’re in the stretch aren’t we? Look at those clouds. It’s beautiful,” he said, pointing to the sky. “Look at those things.”

 

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Mitt has solidified his place as awkwardest man on earth.

 

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